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2020 The Allma Project by @miguelallma


how to f*cking love yourself

My childhood wasn’t easy, to put it in a way. There was lots of abuse in and out of home when growing up. Domestic violence, homophobia, and racism are very present in Peru, the country where I was born and raised. I was an easy target (being shy and a little too sassy and fabulous 🧚🏽‍♂️ for my own good!) so I was also bullied throughout high school.

I, however, spent most of my early years happily daydreaming and fantasizing: creating my own world where there was no abuse, where my parents and classmates accepted, loved and celebrated me instead, and where I felt beautiful and lovable on the outside, as I’d always craved on the inside. One could rightfully argue that I was disassociating, and I’ll admit that when left unattended, my mental health can show clear signs of severe child abuse, but the way I see it:

little me was too busy being a rockstar, to feel like a victim, for even a second.

For every time I escaped home, for every time I was forced to do things a child should never do, for every time my classmates felt the need to put me in “my place”, there’s a fond memory of little me dancing to Oops... I Did It Again, learning from Britney how to rock a red leather-catsuit and play with handsome fuckboys’ hearts (done and done!), designing scrapbooks and magazines (kind of what I do now for a living) and giving love advice I’d learned from Mexican telenovelas to fellow prepubescent girls.

Our inner children know so much about self-love, self-healing, and forgiveness, and it’s my goal during the remaining weeks of Libra Season to inspire you to re-connect with your innately shameless, playful and free Little” You that’s still living inside. It took me lots of work to get to this place where I’m comfortable with my sexuality, my personality and under my own skin.

Racism, bullying, sexual and physical abuse stick with you, to the core of your being forever. It is by no means, nonetheless, an excuse for you to stay there. Let alone, to abandon yourself.

I think of my upbringing as a dramatic Mexican-telenovela-style story of self-love: when you have everyone and everything telling you to hate, abandon and even hurt yourself, you can either surrender or fight back: it will either break you or make you. It’s everything I went through that brought me to this moment where I can look in the mirror and tell that fat, brown, nervous kid how much I love him, how beautiful he is and he will sassily reply to me "bitch, I knew all this time.”

Accepting The “Ugly”:

The first step of your Self-Love Journey should start, in my humble opinion,with the annoying, uncomfortable and even painful. I’ve spoken endlessly of how appalled I am by the current trend in spirituality of only looking at the bright and “positive” and “shiny”. Fuck that shit! You need to look at those parts of your body and your own story that you don’t like: that you’re resisting to, and you need to claim them back. I know it sounds easier said than done, and by now you are most likely aware that it’s not an overnight process. The good news is that there’s an infinite amount of ways to do self-healing and you absolutely want to try them all: start by journaling, writing letters to yourself (and those who hurt you in the past), going to therapy, taking longer baths, giving quick motivational talks to yourself in front of the mirror, doing meditation, charity work (the best type of antidepressant EVER), yoga (with friends!), acupuncture, spa days, painting, traveling, singing, hypnosis, a radical change of look, shadow work (my favorite!). The list really is endless and one step (at a time) will lead you onto the next one. All you need to do is START.

Self-Love: Pampering (Libra’s No. 1 Hobby):

Ok, so this is easy, but it’s an essential part of this journey. You DO want to make this an enjoyable ride. Pampering yourself is an absolute must. Think (as mentioned above) longer baths, but think BIG. Get some incense, essential oils, bath salts. You can legit create the ultimate spa-at-home experience for less than $15 nowadays. I highly recommend adding some ice-cream or chocolate to the mix! Think preparing your looks for the week every Sunday and hyping the fuck out of yourself, think going on dates with yourself: getting super pretty and keeping all those looks and compliments (on the way to your favorite restaurant or cafe) for yourself, taking a hobby or abandoned project from years ago, planning a stay-cation or a road-trip by yourself: you can literally spend an entire weekend away by an average of less than $120 nowadays. Think Airbnb, Megabus and not the Hyatt obvs!

Think rituals, think a bunch of candles, rose petals and rose incense in front of your mirror for 10 mins doing nothing but appreciate your naked body. Think getting a tattoo, a new haircut, starting a new diet, going Vegan for two weeks, trying a cleanse: you must try at least a 3-days cleanse once in a lifetime! And, if money isn’t an issue, think a shopping spree ‘cause bitch, you deserve it!

Surround Yourself with Love (and people who love you):

Quoting my favorite self-love author ever:

“In metaphysics, we learn that like attracts like, which means that your life will be filled with the things that you believe you deserve. Think about your friends, for example. What do their lives look like? Are they happy, fulfilled, successful? If they’re not, you probably aren’t either. We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with!”

Enough said! Excerpt From Gala Darling’s “Radical Self-Love”.

Bless your foods:

When preparing a meal, direct your thoughts to the sustenance it brings with gratitude for the life you take from your food. Then, go a step further and season with ingredients that enhance your intention — ie. Oregano is great for prosperity, honey is amazing for love and romance, Maca for energy and mental agility, coconut for peace, forgiveness and kindness.

Other ways to Fucking Love Yourself:

Masturbate, daily if you can. — Go to the movies on your own: try those VIP movie theaters where they bring two weeks, trying a cleanse: you must try at least a 3-days cleanse once in a lifetime! And, if money isn’t an issue, think a shopping spree ‘cause bitch, you deserve it! drinks and food to your seat. — Try wearing a shirt or pants size smaller. Obviously, do not hurt or make yourself miserably uncomfortable, but the point is to try something that you haven’t used due to gain weight. Wear it for an entire day. Be unapologetic about it and give absolute no fucks. — Treat yourself to a special dessert, just because. — Do the “Goddess Like You” Ritual (Week 2: Reclaim) — Get high by the beach (or a river).— Go to church, or a mosque, or a synagogue by yourself. Listen to the sermon. — Do a gratitude list. — Go on a shopping spree to a thrift shop (am I the only one who LOVES doing this?) — Donate money, goods or your time to a charity.